I thought I'd create this topic to talk about a recent experience of mine, if it's useful to at least one person then that's a success. On Monday evening of this week I attempted (and was unsuccessful as the more observant of you will note) to end my own life. In total I took 66 pills; 64 sleeping pills and 2 other pills to prevent vomiting. All I can remember after that is lying in bed and going to sleep, apparently I was conscious the next 2 days but I don't remember much of it. I've heard I done some fairly crazy things, and reacted violently to the paramedics. The whole experience has left a big impact on me that I felt I should share with anyone who may suffer depression or similar thoughts.
It's easy to consider this an easy way out, the mistake I made was to not fully consider the impact it had on the people around me until it was too late. I can talk to friends or family now and they're afraid of me, I acted like a total lunatic at the hospital and I imagine I made it very difficult for the staff. I'm a fairly insensitive person at the best of times, but it was upsetting for me to see the people closest to me so upset by this, it's not something I would ever wish anyone to go through again. I would urge anyone who ever thinks this way to consider what I've said today, it doesn't fix anything and if any good can come of this then all the better. If I could redo the full thing I wouldn't choose to do it properly, I would choose to skip the whole thing completely, unfortunately it's too late and I'm left with this over me for a long time. It's going to take a very long time for me to rebuild the trust between my friends and family, so please don't make the same mistake that I did!
Some healthy(?) advice!
Moderator: Guild Shogun
Re: Some healthy(?) advice!
I'm glad you're still with us. I'm sure your relatives are as well, and even those who you may have mistreated at the hospital. I'm happy to help if I can at all.
Re: Some healthy(?) advice!
I have to begin by echoing Seppy, and offer a friendly ear if you need one.
I am a reasonably happy person and have been for most of my life, doesn't mean I've never had depression, and when I did it completely wrecked with my head and health. When I was like that talking to most people about anything personal was out of the question. But once I was past the complete denial stage I did find talking to a few select people helped enormously. I hope you have friends who can be there for you and listen non-judgementally. If not then I really would recommend finding a therapist or some anonymous on-line agency to talk things through with.
I know that I didn't talk to most people about how I was feeling because I didn't want to be treated any differently to normal. So I personally won't be treating you with kid gloves or any different to usual, because I think that's the right thing to do.
You should know you're not alone in being depressed and it's not really anything to be ashamed of no matter how it might feel at the time. I personally believe this life is the one shot you get, so don't go throwing it away over things that really can be fixed. Your family love you and will want the best for you, they'll get over treating you differently eventually. Just hang on in there <3
I am a reasonably happy person and have been for most of my life, doesn't mean I've never had depression, and when I did it completely wrecked with my head and health. When I was like that talking to most people about anything personal was out of the question. But once I was past the complete denial stage I did find talking to a few select people helped enormously. I hope you have friends who can be there for you and listen non-judgementally. If not then I really would recommend finding a therapist or some anonymous on-line agency to talk things through with.
I know that I didn't talk to most people about how I was feeling because I didn't want to be treated any differently to normal. So I personally won't be treating you with kid gloves or any different to usual, because I think that's the right thing to do.
You should know you're not alone in being depressed and it's not really anything to be ashamed of no matter how it might feel at the time. I personally believe this life is the one shot you get, so don't go throwing it away over things that really can be fixed. Your family love you and will want the best for you, they'll get over treating you differently eventually. Just hang on in there <3
AKA: Dreamoness, Mischief, Whitewitch, Wabbsi and Nightbayne.
"... there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the science gets done, and you make a neat gun for the people who are still alive..."
"... there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the science gets done, and you make a neat gun for the people who are still alive..."
Re: Some healthy(?) advice!
Well said. Pretty tough to read something like this from someone i spent so long in a car with. I really need to learn to drive for the next time 
<3
<3-
Demonheart
- Posts: 1065
- Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 6:00 pm
- Location: Helsinki, Finland
Re: Some healthy(?) advice!
First of all, I'm happy you were unsuccesful. Losing you right after Yasu would've been fucking ridiculous. I have to say I'm not able to relate to people who have it so bad they attempt suicide. So, I'm sorry. I storngly believe talking to people helps. Why are you depressed / anxious? We care about and we want to help. So, do tell us, what is wrong? Also, have you tried SSRI's? They'll make you feel much better after a while. Only the side effects include wanting to kill yourself the first couple of weeks. 
But they sure helped me. Don't be alone with this.
But they sure helped me. Don't be alone with this.In loving memory of Jack BauerMr. President, get up or I will kill you right there.
Re: Some healthy(?) advice!
Just bear in mind if you do it, you can't ever change your mind. And it's not just your life you'll take.